I have finally decided to write something for my blog after a long hiatus. I even skipped the one-year anniversary of In Her Own Write, which is honestly a shame. I wanted to write something special for that occasion, but by the time it arrived I did not have the motivation to do so. Consider this the birthday celebration of IHOW, and also a small update on… things in general.
This website was born on April 5, 2020, at the height of my boredom in quarantine. She's an Aries, of course, which is defined by creativity and ambition. While I updated quite a lot at the beginning, I lost a bit of direction towards what I should talk about here when autumn came. More specifically, I think my priorities have shifted quite a lot since that part of quarantine. I would describe it as a "burnout disillusionment", a potential step towards maturity, but quite a sad one. I started posting less on social media, I no longer feel burdened by a glorious purpose or the mounted ambition and responsibility I once had, and overall I am cringing over the me in 2019/2020. Does it really matter if I work really hard, or not at all? It probably doesn't. I have been feeling a sense of guilt over what I have become. Not shame, but guilt. If a person is defined by the choices made in their lives, then consider me a sell-out. The Judas of capitalism girlbosses. The shell that once carried the heart of a pearl. Honestly I have no clue what or why am I writing this this is how unhinged I am. I am no longer romanticizing anything. Does this answer your question?
On a lighter note, I can't wait to begin a new chapter in my life, maybe to find the new purpose in life. Don't worry, I have been disenchanted by the American Dream, the capitalist lie that was dismantled by Twitter leftists. However, it is still nice to think about how I could reinvent myself and have a "semi-fresh" start after staying in the gutter (as in quarantine, not HK) for almost 2 years. There you go. I will try to do more and get back the burning passion I had back when I first started this. It will all turn out fie. That is what I'd like to believe.
Preview: Brainstorming an article on Optimistic Nihilism