teenage roni had a lot of anger within her. ever since she gained class consciousness at 13 and got twitter, she had been really angry about all sorts of things. men, capitalism, bigotry, the socioeconomic state of the world. she didn’t understand how life could be so unfair. she turned her anger into words. she writes down pages and pages of angry notes, even if it’s grammatically incorrect. she has nowhere to express it other than instagram, so she created her own platform. you can blame it on the pick-meness, but, some part of her was delusional enough to believe that she could be the change she wanted to see.
then, teenage roni got older, and reality starts to hit. she finds out that it is unrealistic to major in english/ creative writing if she wants to make a shit ton of money. and she wants to make a shit ton of money because she discovers that socialism is impractical and unrealistic. she finds out that saying “i hate m*n” or “m*n are trash” on instagram stories does not stop that creep at the train station from harassing her, or catcalled on the streets even though she is wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. it also doesn’t stop her friend from asking “what were you wearing lol” when she confided about it. the anger slowly morphed from a desire to destroy to a learned willingness to succumb. she breathes in the smoke. if u can’t beat them, u join them.
teenage roni turned twenty. twenty-year-old roni reaped what teenage roni sowed: a life of hard work, great friends, strong opinions and earnest willpower to achieve. she is not going to back down. twenty-year-old roni was also fairly sure that men are trash, but she had been experimenting, because her friends and that little worm in her head told her it is embarrassing to be A0 at 20 lol. as such, twenty-year-old roni did a lot of things teenage roni would not ever expect she would do.
at this point, most of the things teenage roni cared about: school, career, family, friends, all are fairly successful. she has teenage and twenty-year-old roni to thank for. but also because of something twenty-year-old roni did, she now has some extra bullshit she has to put up with. and those were not taught at school, she had to rely on youtubers to instruct her. teenage roni would know exactly what to do, but twenty-one-year-old roni feels too embarrassed to wake her up and ask for help. teenage roni would be disappointed in her, so it’s best if we could just let her rest. twenty-one-year-old roni just wishes teenage roni would forgive her if she ever finds out. knowing her, teenage roni would probably call her a dumb bitch. she’s probably not wrong.
but to twenty-one-year-old roni’s credit, she discovered more within her. she is much more kinder and sweeter than what she’s led herself to believe. her self perception is quite warped; by that I mean, teenage roni thinks she some heartless evil maneater femme fatale that is immune to emotional vulnerability and incapable of love… but that could not be further from the truth. modern society wants to shame sentimentalists like her for overthinking, but, it is actually deeply rewarding to wield a mind as introspective and imaginative as hers. to weave stories with words, to mend wounds with ingenuity. teenage roni locks that love behind a firewall of jest and logical deduction, but if you ever get a chance to encounter it, she will love fiercely. and twenty-one-year-old roni was so, so close to killing that love within her for all the trouble it has caused, but, love is not the problem. it never was. don’t let the age of nonchalance and idgaf wars fool you. only cowards kill the parts of themselves that care. you just got to guard that love carefully, because it is so, so precious and delicate.
twenty-one-year-old roni is now trying to figure out what to do from here on out. not to be pessimistic, but, the possibilities are decreasing at an exponential rate. still, there is no need to fret. like the instagram reel dating coach ladies said, what’s yours will find you.